GENUINE

I mentioned on my earlier post that I hate attending parties specifically children's party but it was Yohan Macoto Rivera's 1st birthday. I can't believe how fast this year has gone! I absolutely love seeing him as a cute little baby but now he's turning into a toddler. While at the party, I had the oppurtunity to talk and play with my other nephews (kenji and beo) and nieces (cj and bea). I was a little emo this past few days but spending time with them makes me delighted though I have to whack out all my sweat running around with them while they're playing...Well, it's really worth the effort 'coz it was a sincere and happy laughter. I can say that they are really expert at the art of happiness 'coz they have more than one way of showing that they are happy. They are happy just dancing around so they smile and laugh, they are happy eating burger and fries so they smile and laugh, they are happy to see Lolo and Lola so they smile and laugh and they're happy to see me so they laugh and smile...That moment I stoodstill...took a picture of them and ask the older one if he can stop growing up. He just simply said, "Tata, I just can't" and I laughed again and realized that they're becoming little people.

Just a thought...if you're feeling sad my suggestion is go play and be silly with small children. They really know how to make everything fun! Cheerio!

- OVERWHELMED -

I don't remember how it started but I know it's already coming. I am, in a world accustomed to what I usually do but the thing is...why is this month so odd? For some reason, this month I'm feeling underwater. I'm not worried but I'm trying to keep myself in check. I don't want to have this thing that they call "perennial stress headache". So here are the general trends of oddity I had so far...

Odd list:

- During Fridays, I usually toss off work early to go on a happy weekend. I believe that's how to balance your work and life. I've been working for the past 6 years or so but I've never been this busy. Odd thing is, it never occurred to me that I will be in this situation where I had to literally work for 12 to 14 hours a day. I've been with my new team for about 3 weeks and it's all but "business as usual".

- I love distractions when I'm at work but this time around I get ruthless about it. I'm even eating breakfast in my table...What up?

- I love sleeping that I even have to drag myself to the office early in the morning. Odd thing is, I woke up 1 hour early last night to do my crunches.

- I used to get a sappy phone call once in awhile but this time around...it ain't there.

- I don't like birthday parties (children's party), it makes me feel so old. Odd thing is, I'm expected and excited to be there today.

- I brood a lot and I speak my mind but the odd thing is I was surprised that I will blog it..

- I don't follow anyone's advise but a little bird told me that I should eat my breakfast which I don't normally do at 4:30 in the morning but I did. Odd thing is I even cooked for myself.

- I'm a music addict but I'm annoyed listenin' to incubus' i miss you. In all honesty, I love the band but I just hate that song. Odd thing is, I listened to it again - it's like a three fold utopian dream...

Okay, that's a long list. I'm allowed to feel a bit shattered. I'm pretty much caught up now...(^__^) but I am looking forward to seeing some of my new (bago) and "OLD" (luma) friends this weekend.

Ironic distinction or so they say but I guess "I too has been taken IN by the world"...I know I can handle it but I'm implying that all my bets are off...I need a fresh pair of eyes...Cheerio!

ambiguity

Ambiguity…that’s where my life is headed right now…Ten years ago my mind had a 20/20 vision of the things that I want to have and where I want to be but the sad part is…you can’t have it all. You cannot have what you really wanted (<--past tense) even if you tried your best to get it back and you can’t be where you’d like to be (<--future tense) even if you put forth your best shot to be there. Yes, I agree…life happens and there’s no doubt how hard it may turn out to be. Well...for me atleast.

Just a thought awhile ago…Maybe, I’m barking up on a wrong tree or maybe not? See! That’s what happens during this brooding activity...That’s what I’m telling you about. I’ve lots of hesitations right now. I’m not even sure if I want to post this thing or not. (^_^) I’m not even sure if I’m making sense at all. All I wanted to say is that…life is full of uncertainties. I’m struggling to accept the concept of not knowing what will come next and what life has to offer after it has run through me over and over again.

Well, then I guess I have to try harder. One thing I can say and true enough, no matter how pessimistic other people are…I still willfully choose this life as my way of living no matter how tough this is and I perceive it as an impeccably fine choice. I’m an optimist! So, here I am back to the drawing board…

1st thing that I would do is to step outside with comfortable boundary and worth…maybe this time I’ll get it right!

“For my part I know nothing with any certainty, but the sight of the stars makes me dream.” -Vincent Van Gough-

- pause-

phil/makati/06.24.10/kwarto/0533hrs Woke up early not sure if I slept or is it just me imagining that I was asleep? Unfortunately, today our room’s temperature is rising up and I got the sauna GPS effect while lying out with my bunk mates.

phil/makati/06.24.10/sala/0630hrs ‘had a modest time to count down the “time” without going into the mind-numbing details of my life. I had this day in which I bum around waiting for something to happen…My “so usual” brooding activity gave me something to do to pass the “time”. I don’t want to drool all day in anticipation of something that’s not going happen.

phil/makati/06.24.10/sala.sitting.on.swes’.m&m.airchair/0754hrs Good job! See? I’m getting good at passing the “time”. My goal is to find something and focus on it while waiting for my autistic (^_^) bunk mates to wake up…LOL! And there it goes, hangin’ on the wall. Our ever reliable PTA (pinagtagpi tagping alaala) photo collage.

After the noticeable selection, I zoomed in and whizzed ahead, pretending not to have spotted "that" person and my own feigning remorse. I did this about two or three times. No one’s around except me and no one said anything. I peaked inside our room though I know for a fact that they’re asleep but you could still picture the annoyance in their eyes.

phil/makati/06.24.10/sala.still.sitting.on.swes’.m&m.airchair/0826hrs I dreamt of being a writer at one point in my life but enough said. I don’t think I have anything clever to say here…
Good thing, Gren - one of my autistic bunk mates woke up…Cheerio!